32 Candles

I celebrated my 32nd birthday last Sunday. 32 years since I arrived on this planet. I can't quite believe I have existed that long. When I think about certain events that have happened in my life and put a time frame to them (i.e. that happened 20 years ago, 10 years ago etc....) I cannot seem to get my head around the fact that I am old enough to have had things happen decades ago. I sometimes forget my age and think I am still in my late teens/early 20's and when people of similar ages cross my path world I think I am one of them but then I suddenly realise I am much, much older. A perfect example was an 18th birthday party I went to recently. It did not seem 5 minutes since I was partying to celebrate my 18th birthday party but it is in fact 14 years ago. What?!?! Where did that time go??? I always get spoiled and fussed over on my birthday even though nowadays it just feels like any other day. Here are some pics from this years anniversary of my birth. Bring on number 33!

My birthday balloon

A close up of one of the delicious cupcakes my friend Helen made me

The fabulous Priscilla themed birthday card my friend Andrew sent me

My friend Irene and I

Having a birthday cuddle with my friend Claire's gorgeous son Alfie

My Mam and I having a birthday meal at Frankie & Bennys

My Dad and I having a belated birthday meal at Sopranos

 

My ex colleague Brenda and I having an even more belated birthday meal

A surprise birthday gift from the wonderful Mr Tony Sheldon!

 

 

Thank you to everyone who made my birthday special x

The Actress

I stand in the wings 

& wait with baited breath
I wonder if when I step out 

my lines will die a death

Then suddenly I hear my cue 

& on the stage I stride
I move to where the director chose 

& hope my nerves will hide

My heart pounds, my palms are wet

my mouth is awfully dry
at that very moment

I feel like I might cry

Adrenaline pumps, my memory jolts 

the dialogue starts to flow 

it's only then I calm myself 

& start enjoy being in the show

Pretty soon the play is over 

I bend to take a bow
the audience clap, the curtain drops 

I think what happens now

Then I suddenly remember 

& I'm wracked with fear & fright
there are many more performances 

that was only the first night! 

Grandparents

Although I moan I often think how fortunate I am,

to have been blessed with a smashing Dad and an awesome Mam.

And along with such great parents to guide me day by day,

there are four other people who have helped me on my way.

I know there are those in the world who feel cheated and very sad,

because they never knew their Nan nor met their own Grandad.

My grandparents lavished upon me their attention and their time,

and now I will pay tribute to them with this little rhyme. 

My Mammy is disabled so when I came along,

she needed help from family who we stayed with all day long.

They'd share my care between them and did everything they could,
to keep me clean and entertained and filled with tasty food. 

My Grandparents spoilt me rotten even though I was the last,
of all 18 grandkids they'd looked after in the past. 
I was the precious baby of their second daughter,
and they passed on to me the same things they had taught her.

When I was small I watched cartoons but loved a certain show, 
in which Geoffrey, George and Zippy would paint a big Rainbow.
They were joined by a soft brown bear and Bungle was his name, 
and because of furry footwear my Granda's alias it became.

But when it comes to nicknames my Nana's can't be traced,
no-one can remember when and why with it my Nan was graced. 
I've never heard of another soul who shared Noonie as a title,
and having their special lady around to her family was so vital. 

I remember a favourite game I played with my Granda Bungle,
pretending the garden was a pool and oddly not a jungle.
We'd splash about and jump and  swim upon the soft green grass,
my Granda knew how to ensure I was a happy lass.

Then sadly when I was six and he was seventy-four, 
I was sat down and gently told "You won't see him anymore".
He'd slipped away during the night in front of the TV,
with his glasses on his nose and his paper on his knee.

It was the first time I'd lost someone and I couldn't comprehend,
that my lovely Granda's Bungle life had reached it's peaceful end.
But as I grew I'd often think back to times when I was small,
and smile as I remembered him and how we'd have a ball. 

For many years my Nana's house at Redesdale was the hub,
relatives would visit lots and she'd feed them piles of grub.
She was a wonderful woman with a massive heart,
I never thought there'd come a day when she and I would part.

Although she looked quite healthy & walked & shopped & cooked,
her eighty year old body was weaker than it looked.
And like her husband did before she slept and did not suffer,
I thought losing him was hard enough but losing her was tougher. 

But unlike a lot of other girls of my age that I knew,

I'd lost a couple of grandparents but I had another two,

my Dad's mother and father spoilt me and they doted,

they took me to feed ducks in Morpeth and on the river we boated.

I'd stay with them twice a week and every holiday,

a favourite weekend past-time was eating ice cream in Whitley Bay. 

And on a Sunday morning my Granda Wafer would pull out,

his old LPs and turntable and we'd sing and dance about. 

My Nana Wafer couldn't walk so my Granda pushed her around,

he wore bilateral hearing aids but he'd often mute the sound.

He did it when my Nana moaned & gave him a tongue lashing,

for watching the sports channel, horseracing was his passion. 

For years my Nana suffered with Multiple Sclerosis,

so she and my Granda had to form a symbiosis.

He devoted his entire life to caring round the clock,

and to his spouse and family he became a rock.

Now some folk have an easy ride and some an unfair life,

you'd think my Granda would be repaid for tending to his wife.

But no his prize for all the years he struggled and he toiled,

was to discover that his plans by illness would be foiled.

He should have spent his golden years just chilling and relaxing,

but thanks to frequent hospital stays his final days were taxing.

When he finally left us it was a sad relief,
his suffering was over though we were lost in grief. 

So now all I am left with is my frail grandmother,
and even though I'm an only child she thinks I have a brother.
She's clouded in dementia and doesn't know my face,

and her brain once filled with memories is now an empty space. 

Three of the four are looking down on me from up above, 

remembering the happy times filled with fun and filled with love.

Thinking of my childhood I've often laughed or smiled,

I'm so thankful and I'm glad that I was their grandchild!

Uncle Barry

If I could meet a genie and ask for just one wish,
it wouldn't be for fancy cars or jewels or something swish.
My request you see is special a gift money cannot buy,
I'd rescue back from Heaven a very precious guy.

It's over 10 years now since he was cruelly taken,
and if I said I was used to it then I would just be faking.
Every day I think of him and wish he was still here,
and although I smile at memories I often shed a tear.

A more amazing gent you couldn't wish to meet,
as lovely Uncles go you'd find him hard to beat.
We were a lucky family to have him in our tree,
I hope he knew before he died how much he meant to me.

Ever since I was a baby he'd come to visit us,
I'd always get excited though he didn't like a fuss.
And once or twice a year I'd travel to his place,
whenever I spent time with him I'd have a smile upon my face.

My Dad and him were cousins but they felt more like close bros,
they supported one another through hard times and through woes.
He understood my Papa more than anyone we knew,
and was always there to turn to when my Pa felt sad and blue.

They would sit up til the early hours and talk til they were hoarse,
until whispers were the only sounds the two could barely force.
And when discussions ended they headed to their beds,
to soothe their overactive tongues and rest their aching heads.

And come the morning after a big breakfast would be made,
and I would take great pride in the neat table I had laid.
We'd sit around and munch on a mound of tasty food,
then the gassing would begin again ejecting my good mood.

I'd quickly tire of listening and leave them to keep chatting,
the topics covered by the pair ranged from motorbikes to latin.
And when they'd finished yapping he'd take me for a walk,
and finally I had him to myself and that's when we would talk.

I'd tell him about my school work, my stories and my poems,
and as an English teacher he'd tell me of great tomes.
He'd help me with my homework, play games and sometimes paint,
I knew from quite an early age my Uncle was a saint.

Sundays were my favourite as it was the day he phoned,
and he'd never tire of listening as I whined and whinged and moaned.
He'd offer up great guidance and would act as my advisor,
you'd be hard pushed to find a guy as patient or someone any wiser.

He loved visiting America with Gill, his lovely wife,
and during a stay in Chicago his warning saved my life.
He stopped my plans to travel and meet a virtual stranger,
his friends had asked him to tell me they thought I was in danger.

And from that day to this one I've not stopped feeling so relieved,
that he acted in such a hurry and my safety was achieved.
Thank God he had those wonderful pals who knew of such a scam,
I don't think they will ever know how grateful to them I am.

As life went on his visits were the highlight of my years,
and from his travels he often brought me such delightful wares.
Whether we went down to Sleaford or up here he came to stay,
we'd eat Chinese then him and Dad would fight over who would pay.

He loved nothing more than DIY using tools he made by hand,
he even made a barbecue with a washing up bowl for a stand.
He knew everything there is to know about engines, speed & torque
and loved working on and caring for his Whizzer and Nighthawk.

In October of 2001 we felt our world had ended,
he found out he was very ill but thought he could be mended.
He had an op and doctors said he'd be as right as rain,
but pretty soon he found he was in quite a lot of pain.

I never thought for one minute he wouldn't stick around,
but the weaker and more sick he got the worse the news did sound.
And in July of 2002 my life and soul were shattered,
with nothing left but an aching heart and ashes to be scattered.

I got to tell him I loved him the last time that we hugged,
I'm so glad he heard me as at affection he usually shrugged.
So time has passed but it doesn't heal and the pain I'll always carry,
my life will never been the same without my Uncle Barry.

Mam

Unconditional love is to me what she has given

I hope she knows I'm thankful for the fact that I am living

all through my life she's been there for me no matter what

as mothers go she really is the greatest of the lot 

I often wish I could go back to years that have gone by

to see her in her younger days before I was a twinkle in her eye 

she has so many photographs and stories from her youth

and sometimes it is hard to believe what happened is the truth

She has been through so many things others could simply not endure

which began with catching polio the year before the cure

she spent so many, many years stuck in a hospital bed

and once or twice she was so ill she nearly ended up dead

The doctors tried but failed to help her walk without help again

and in the process they made her suffer and caused a lot of pain

her crutches and her callipers now keep her on her feet

and make her unforgettable to whoever she may meet

The Sanderson Orthopaedic in Gosforth was her abode

from the age of 3 til her late teens she watched childhood erode

in an old home for crippled kids filled with many a doc and nurse

she spent her life but never once thought why me or what a curse

The surgery stopped and she went home to live her life to the full

she partied with friends and went abroad her life was never dull

She passed her test and got her first car a little Tippin Delta

hung out at the Spanish City and rode the Helter Skelter

She got a job inspecting silver signs at a wooden bench

her passion and her lust for life you simply could not quench

her workmates like everyone she knew just loved her ever so 

they all wanted to make friends with her she did not have a foe

Then on the factory floor she met a man who changed her life

and in July 1976 she became his wife

for 4 years Mr and Mrs shared much happiness and much pleasure

the depth of love they mutually felt was impossible to measure

Then 1980 dawned and in her breast she found a lump

she had the awful treatment but never once was heard to grump

to aid with her recovery the couple went away

to Disneyland in Florida and made the most of every day

Upon their return to their little flat a miracle did happen

she thought the radiotherapy was the cause of constant napping

but to her surprise she found that she was going to have a child

doctors warned her of risks and dangers but luckily they were mild

In November 1981 a girl was born and shown on telly

her Mammy was really groggy having had a big op upon her belly

how the new mother coped was nothing short of mystifying

especially when all the baby did at night was never ending crying 

The mother and the father had it rough those very early days

but they were sadly mistaken if they thought it was a phase

the tot grew up to never seem to want sleep alone

but the Mammy never was the kind to gripe or fuss or moan

She doted on her baby and made the kid her all

but unfortunately under the strain something had to fall

her marriage ended sadly and she was granted a divorce

and her life began to follow a new uncharted course

In 1988 cancer struck her breast once more

this time a permanent solution was what the docs called for

yet another hospital procedure had to happen late that year

so her parents and her sister took turns to offer care

While still recuperating she lost her dear old Dad

I'm certain that a weaker person would have gone quite mad

she said farewell and got straight on with bringing up her girl

whose growing up seemed to be passing by in one big whirl

And like the tides and clouds above the years along they rolled

and gradually her ex-hubby came back in to the fold

as a 3 they travelled all over Great Britain and the States

and she and her former spouse became the best of mates 

In May 1998 a devastating blow was dealt

her beloved mother passed away, emptiness was all she felt

but as always her resilience and her courage saw her through

and helped her cope with another loss, that of Barry in 2002

And then a golden puppy came to heal her broken heart

and to the family unit became such a massive part

the two years later Hilary was taken ill and died

and even though she’s usually strong I watched as my Mam cried 

After 12 months she got a call from Guide Dogs for the Blind

saying our humble bungalow was the new home they hoped to find

for a labrador retriever whose name we learned was silly

who chooses Emmett for a dog instead of Rex or Willie?!

So Emmy was re-christened and quickly settled in

it didn’t take him long to rule this castle like a king 

he’s such a special canine who gives us lots of love

I really think he was sent to us from someone from above

Soon her offspring left school and got a job to help with bills

but like her Pa before her she needed to take pills

and when she was ill and couldn't graft she felt she’d let Ma down

but her Mama never judged her and never wore a frown

Now her girl is home all day and they spend their time together

there is no problem or difficulty this duo cannot weather 

her life has been so blighted with events both sad and tragic

but she has never lost her spirit, her positivity and her magic

There aren't the words to really say how wonderful you are

if life is one big movie then it's you who is the star

I really am the luckiest girl who has ever walked the earth

and all because you were the Mam I was handed to at birth

My Mam is my hero even though she probably doesn't know it

and in some small way I hope this poem will finally show it

she has battled many painful times but always comes out fighting

but to say everything to sum her up would mean I'd not stop writing

And if in the near future she is faced with more bad knocks

I'll be there to trip troubles up before they're out the blocks

her dulcet tones have once or twice landed her in quite hot water 

but anyone who messes with her must first get past her daughter!

Priscilla

When I felt pretty desperate & life was really bad 

something appeared that gave me a feeling I'd never had

it made me feel uplifted & like I'd found my place

I permanently walked around with a smile upon my face

The message of acceptance spoke to me loud & clear

I'd never felt that I belonged & had often lived in fear

I'd been bullied & berated since I was very young

I'd had no friends, was lonely & not had any fun

Then I heard a certain show was heading to this land

I'd wanted to see it for so long & a trip was quickly planned. 

I travelled down to London town with my Mam in tow

we headed to the Palace & sat in the back row

The overture blasted out & Divas started to descend

I sat open mouthed & overcome until the very end

as soon as the curtain came down & I collected up my things

I felt like I was floating or I'd suddenly sprouted wings

I could not believe what I'd just seen or what I had heard

I was so excited & happy I didn't utter a single word

the spectacle I'd witnessed exceeded every dream & hope

& I knew right then & there Priscilla would help me cope

As soon as I returned home another ticket was swiftly booked

I needed to see the show again I knew that I was hooked.

my travels became a regular thing & London a new haunt

twice a month I'd catch a train to head out on another jaunt

The wonders I saw on the stage took me far away

from the problems & the pain I felt every single day

the time spent in the theatre went by so very fast

but the happy blissful feelings for days on end would last

I discovered I could meet the cast & ask for autographs

I met new friends while at stage door & had so many laughs

then 2 months after first seeing him I finally met the star

to get the same euphoric buzz would cost millions in a bar  

I shook with nerves, my mouth went dry, I gabbled such a lot

I gifted him a teddy bear, he was thrilled with what he got

he shook my hand & posed for a pic before he said goodbye

I knew right from that moment he was a such a special guy

My new pals & I saw the show many times until it ended

after my last trip I thought my heart could not be mended

The next day I received something that gave me such a lift

a wonderful correspondence began which I still see as a gift

Emails are exchanged discussing topics of all sorts

& news both good & bad is shared along with our thoughts

I never thought he'd keep in touch with someone like me

but every time a message appears I'm filled with joy & glee

In 2010 I travelled to Toronto with my Dad

& when our week was over I felt so very sad

it was wonderful to see the lovely Sheldy once again

I'd travelled 3000 miles he probably thought I was insane

In 2011 the bus arrived on the Great White Way

I booked tickets & began a countdown to the day 

I'd decided to adventure to New York all by myself

the closer my departure got I questioned my mental health

But once I arrived & settled in & found my way around

I knew I'd be ok in the city I felt so safe & sound.

I couldn't wait to see my friend's big picture in Times Square

he looked so very glamorous from his heels to his blonde hair

I spent so many hours sitting staring up above

at the pretty lights & huge marquee & felt such love

Seeing my hero strut his stuff on a Broadway stage

filled me with tremendous pride, amounts too high to gauge

His journey aboard the big pink bus is well & truly finished

but the memories of his journey can never be diminished

he’s now performing other roles & working very hard

& lives in the Big Apple thanks to his deserved green card

I hope I'll get to see the man I respect & greatly admire

upon another stage sometime soon it's something I desire

until that day I hope we can remain in close contact

there is no other person who can follow his extraordinary act

To others it's just a musical but my first instincts were right

Priscilla's kept me smiling through many a bad day & night

to the writers & creators & everyone involved

I cannot thank them all enough for how my life's evolved

When I thought life was over & I’d lost faith in all I knew

my spirit & my self esteem were saved by 1 bus & 1 shoe

so to those who feel as lost as I & don't know how to carry on

just listen to Priscilla's score & dance and sing along!

 

Dad

My Dad looks like a biker and people think he's tough

But really he's a softie who's had it pretty rough.

Although he has a temper he doesn't lose his head,

and he has a lot of knowledge as he is so well read.

He hasn't got certificates, degrees or PHDs,

but he can turn his hand and brain to any job he sees.

He's always ready with advice if anyone does ask,

his friends and family know that he will help with any task.

He's done some things throughout his life of which he isn't proud,

he's ranted, shouted, cursed and raved - he's known for being loud.

But behind every heated argument on topics of all sorts,

are results of self education - his opinions, ideas and thoughts. 

My Dad and I haven't always been close or even got along,

but over recent years we've worked on a bond now strong.

I know he's always there for me to guide and help me through,

And I hope he knows that I will always be there for him too.

Life's dealt him knocks and gave him more than his fair of woe,

but somehow he has found the strength to continue with the show.

And now he faces quite a fight with a tumour in his willy, 

but if cancer thinks it can beat my Dad then it is really silly.  

He's shown me things and places of which others can only dream,

and he has cautioned me that things aren't always as they seem

People think they know him but he's often misunderstood,

if only they'd open their eyes and see the bad side and the good.

Sometimes he drives me crazy with things he does and says,

but he's the person I turn to when I'm confused and in a daze.

I call him my "Daddy Bear" but he is far from grizzly,

look at the list of lucky daughters and at the top you’ll see me.