A New Day Has Come

A blank blog page is scary. I should know as I've stared at one often enough. I don't know why I have chosen tonight to write on that blank page. I've thought about it so many times over the last couple of weeks but have always found something else to do. In truth I have been avoiding my blog. Because to me it represents failure and disappointment. I've failed to keep it going and I'm disappointed with myself for doing that. So tonight I am making the move to start again. I am not going to promise myself that I will blog every day or every week or every month because if I don't I will beat myself up and I really don't need to do that. I will, however, make another promise to myself. To stop beating myself up. I've come to realise (with the help of ongoing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and counselling) that I am seriously damaging myself. Yes there are other people out there in the world who can and will and do damage me but ultimately how I react and behave to what happens in my every day life dictates if I protect myself or damage myself further. I need to start being kinder to myself. I also need to start forcing myself to do things because if I don't then no-one else will and why should they? I am responsible for me. There are things about myself that I can change in time (my weight being one) but there are also things I can do almost instantly. I often say to people "oh I used to write stories and poems but I just can't seem to get interested in doing that anymore". Newsflash - get interested Jodie!!! Only you can do that and if you want to do it then get on with it!! So I will resume this blog as a way of (hopefully) getting the creative juices flowing again and then maybe I will find myself start scribbling in note books again. Sometimes my blog may be filled with complete drivel but I have to learn to not care about what others think of my musings. I need to stop caring what others think full stop. I think that is my ticket to being happier. I need to just be me, live my life, do what I want and not worry about what the people around me think of me and my life. Richard Nixon once said "I am not a crook" well I am saying "I am not a freak!"