Sheepish

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I'm not very good at this blogging lark am I? Note to self: never promise yourself to keep your blog up to date as when it doesn't happen you feel bad.

Since my last blog I've driven to Sleaford (yay me), been to Dusty Day (yay Dusty), been to see Priscilla for the first time in 14 months (half a yay), been to see Jane McDonald (more than half a yay), been to see The Wizard of Oz at the Palladium (nearly a full yay minus 0.1% of a yay for Michael *yawn* Crawford) and been to see The Pitmen Painters (a massive roomful of yays). God I love theatre and Pitmen Painters reminded me of that fact.

My next visual and audible treat comes in the form of GLEE Live this coming weekend at the O2. I haven't been to the O2 before and I'm excited and nervous in equal measure. I'm a big fan of the GLEE TV series so I'm looking forward to seeing the cast in the flesh (although they'll probably be minute figures from where I'm sitting) but if I can hear them sing "Don't Stop Believin" and know that I'm in the same room as Matthew Morrison I'll be a happy bunny.

Tonight I start my new regime of going to bed at 10pm and hopefully getting between 8 and 9 hours of unbroken sleep. Wish me luck as I suspect I'll actually wake up at least twice in the night and will be my regular zombie self at work tomorrow but one can dream (hopefully!).

Dusty revisited

I've just booked my train ticket for Dusty Day 2011. I didn't go last year but it was the first year I'd missed since 2002. I'm really looking forward to it and to seeing Dusty friends again. In the same way I have neglected this blog I have neglected the Let's Talk Dusty forum and so I am quite nervous about going to the event in case some of the people I used to chat to frequently are upset with me for not being around but I've kept in touch with a lot of people via Facebook so I am sure the Dusty clan will make me feel welcome. It's nervewracking going alone as I was used to going with Andrew but I went by myself in 2009 and had a good time so this year should be no different. I am looking forward to being able to submerge myself in all things Dusty for 7 hours. All together now, "the days have come and gone since you were here...."

6 months

Wow!! Alot has happened since I blogged about my Toronto adventure. Some good - I've realised another dream, that of seeing Ellen Burstyn live (on stage in The Children's Hour). And Priscilla has opened on Broadway!! Some bad - my friend Tina is very ill. She has a brain tumour and is currently undergoing radiotherapy and chemotherapy. And slightly less serious but nonetheless worrying, thanks to technology (namely the iPhone), I have incurred huge debts. They are making my trip to New York seem somewhat unachievable at the moment however I am determined to get there and figuring out a way is my new challenge. Challenge seems to be the new word in my vocabulary at the moment as I have committed myself to driving down to visit my Aunty Gill in Sleaford on 23rd April. That is something I've been wanting to do since I passed my driving test in 2004 but have never had the confidence. Well, sod it!! I've said I'm doing it so I am going to do it. And with the help of a map, a concise set of directions and a Sat-Nav I WILL be fine!! Ok, two blogs in one night, is this a new record?! My brain is now on 10% battery and my memory foam mattress is calling so it's time to go.

A New Day Has Come

A blank blog page is scary. I should know as I've stared at one often enough. I don't know why I have chosen tonight to write on that blank page. I've thought about it so many times over the last couple of weeks but have always found something else to do. In truth I have been avoiding my blog. Because to me it represents failure and disappointment. I've failed to keep it going and I'm disappointed with myself for doing that. So tonight I am making the move to start again. I am not going to promise myself that I will blog every day or every week or every month because if I don't I will beat myself up and I really don't need to do that. I will, however, make another promise to myself. To stop beating myself up. I've come to realise (with the help of ongoing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and counselling) that I am seriously damaging myself. Yes there are other people out there in the world who can and will and do damage me but ultimately how I react and behave to what happens in my every day life dictates if I protect myself or damage myself further. I need to start being kinder to myself. I also need to start forcing myself to do things because if I don't then no-one else will and why should they? I am responsible for me. There are things about myself that I can change in time (my weight being one) but there are also things I can do almost instantly. I often say to people "oh I used to write stories and poems but I just can't seem to get interested in doing that anymore". Newsflash - get interested Jodie!!! Only you can do that and if you want to do it then get on with it!! So I will resume this blog as a way of (hopefully) getting the creative juices flowing again and then maybe I will find myself start scribbling in note books again. Sometimes my blog may be filled with complete drivel but I have to learn to not care about what others think of my musings. I need to stop caring what others think full stop. I think that is my ticket to being happier. I need to just be me, live my life, do what I want and not worry about what the people around me think of me and my life. Richard Nixon once said "I am not a crook" well I am saying "I am not a freak!"