Butterfly

As a little girl I climbed upon the caterpillar slide

I glanced down to find my Mam looking up at me with pride

I disappeared in to the tunnel and waited to descend   

then found to my horror I couldn't move or twist or bend

I cried out to my family and began to feel quite maudlin

my Mam and Aunty egged me on just thinking I was dawdling

I could feel my panic rising as the dark was closing in

I needed to be heard above the outside din

I kicked against the metal and banged with all my might 

then finally my audience realised something wasn't right 

more people began gathering and the noise levels increased  

I hoped my ordeal was over and I was about to be released

"I'm stuck!" I yelled aware I'd be the butt of many jokes 

the crowds response was not a shock - they thought it was a hoax.

"I'm not telling fibs I'm really jammed and cannot move at all!" 

It should have come as no surprise as I certainly was not small

From being a tot I'd been much bigger than my childhood peers

and since starting school I was subjected to taunts and daily jeers 

I did not care for healthy foods and sought solace in sweet things 

and gave way to all the cravings that comfort eating brings

As I got older my age was not the only number rising 

clothes were always searched for in shops with adult sizing

teenage years and hormones only added to my girth 

my amount of self confidence was seriously dearth

I left behind the playground and it's misery or so I thought

but joining the adult world was equally as fraught

body shaming did not end outside the classroom door 

It happened every where I went, I couldn't take much more

I hid away and stayed inside where nobody could mock 

and only ventured out to work or walk my dog around the block

Then one day in 2003 something in me snapped

and I realised I no longer wanted to be trapped

I knuckled down and made a plan to ditch unhealthy food 

I joined a gym and worked hard to slim while I was in the mood 

I lost 40lbs and felt and looked the best I ever had

friends and family were very proud especially my Mam & Dad  

I'd made a change and didn't think I'd slip back to my old ways   

but despite my best intentions my health kick was just a phase

life and it's stresses had put me in an awful fix    

demons in the mind are cruel and can play some nasty tricks

To ease my pain I reached for the thing that always gave me peace

and gorged on anything and everything filled with fat and grease

I regained the weight I'd lost plus another stone or more

I was far bigger now than I had ever been before

More than another decade of fluctuating weight 

would happen before I'd end up in a near-fatal state   

and realise I finally had to address the obvious painful truth

that obesity was my crime and in the mirror was my proof

I sit here now writing this having lost nearly 8 stones 

I am fit and healthy and I no longer have aching bones 

my body is much smaller now so people delight in telling me

but my brain is still playing catch up so I cannot see what others see

Now let's go back to the start to the girl trapped in the slide

I may be 30 years older but I'm still that child inside

the caterpillar is long gone now but it didn't say goodbye

as it never actually left for it is now the butterfly 🦋