This morning I did something that was quite a massive thing for me. I wore shorts. I've never ever worn shorts to run in (or do anything in for that matter) as an adult as I wouldn't have dared wear them when I was big and then when I lost my weight my self-consciousness about my size was replaced with a self-consciousness about the loose skin I have as a consequence of my weight loss. Back in June when I got my tattoo the tattoo artist told me not to wear anything tight fitting for a while to allow my leg to heal and because I was meant to be taking part in the Blaydon Race later that same week I bought a pair of black shorts to run in. I came down with a chesty cold 2 days before the Blaydon Race so couldn't do it after all so the shorts stayed in the drawer. Ever since then I've vowed to pluck up the courage to wear them for Parkrun when it fell on a hot day so this morning seemed as good an opportunity as any. The prospect of being seen in public (let alone by 300+ other Parkrunners gathered together in one place) in shorts filled me with dread and I nearly talked myself out of it numerous times on the drive along to Blyth. When I arrived I stayed in my car as long as possible as I was feeling so nervous and anxious. I know I didn't have to do it and nobody had a gun to my head but I wanted to overcome my fear of people seeing my wobbly legs once and for all and I wanted to show off my tattoos as I don't think many people know I actually have tattoos because they hardly ever see the light of day. So I'm really, really, really, really proud of myself for getting out of that car and taking my place among over 300 people at the start before going on to run past fellow runners and members of the public for 3 loops of the course and letting the world see my hitherto hidden flab and body art. I know it's probably not a big deal to anyone else but it's huge to me. I may never wear the shorts again but I did it once and that's all that matters to me.
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